I was diagnosed just last year with Fibromyalgia. I can't really remember when the very beginning is, though. For a very long time I woke up with minor aches and pains. I know that's normal, it's part of life. I have always had to work very hard to be healthy so I took it in stride. When I got pregnant with Mason in 2006, I never thought twice about how bad my aches got, I was pregnant afterall. The aches (and the baby weight) didn't really have a chance to dissipate before I was pregnant again in 2007 when Mason was just 5 months old. I guess I am part rabbit because I got pregnant yet again in 2008, when Zander was 7 months old and Mason was 21 months old. That pregnancy was when things took a noticeable turn, however.
At about 4 months pregnant, I had sciatica-like pain that would last for days. Changes in temperatures would either help a lot or be extremely uncomfortable. I began having a lot more trouble sleeping and my hips would ache so getting comfortable was literally impossible. I wouldn’t be able to sleep until I was so exhausted I couldn’t help it. It was very hard to be a good mom when I was tired and achy all the time. I had vowed never to let a pregnancy keep me from being a good mom so I was riddled with guilt as a cherry on top of my pain sundae.
When I reached 7 months pregnant, I did believe it was the pregnancy causing my pain, and I was nervous about delivery. I had reached a point where sitting on the hard seat of our potty was painful, and if it was cold, it would cause the pain to be so much worse it could bring me to tears. I would wake up and have trouble standing. My hands and feet would feel swollen but they would not appear so visibly. The pain would come and go, being worse in the morning and the evening, and better in the middle of the day after I had been moving around and trying to get things done. Every time the pain got to be too much I calmed myself and prayed it would ‘heal’ quickly once the baby was born.
During Isabella’s delivery, I received an epidural, and it helped with most of the pain, however, my hip pain became worse as my labor progressed. I became anxious and fearful. The nurses kept offering me more and more ‘shots’ into the epidural because they could see that I was in pain. And then it was time for Isabella to come out- and it felt like my hips were going to break. I screamed from the pain in my hips, because I felt no pain from where the baby was coming from, and my upper arms had painful sensitive spots and my feet felt like they were being stabbed. That pain was comparable to the labor I was actually experiencing at that time.
Moving forward, as I healed form delivery, and ate healthy because I was breastfeeding my daughter, the pain was easy to ignore as I dealt with exhaustion from having three children under the age of three to care for. But by the time Isabella was 4 months old I was struggling with discomfort, aches, sensitivity, insomnia, and depression. I sought medical help mainly for the depression because I thought maybe the depression was now the cause of the pain.
The pain worsened. I didn’t even think it was possible. Now crippled by pain every morning, I returned to my doctor who finally ordered some tests to rule out some issues. At the end of it all he diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. I was relieved to have a name and a diagnosis. However, it is not ‘curable’ and the treatment varies. I have to work hard very day to stay positive because living with pain is very difficult. Many mornings I don’t want to get up, but I must because laying down doesn’t actually hurt less. I have to have help carrying my daughter or doing anything involving dexterity until my medication works- it takes at least an hour for it to help me. I even have to have help opening my pill bottle about half the time.
It is easier for me in warmer weather, because I can get outside more and get more exercise. Exercise helps stretch my muscles and make them less sensitive, and I sleep better as well and more sleep means my nerves aren’t as jumpy and touchy.
In the winter, I can’t do as much and the cold really does affect me, it makes me stiff, and the pain becomes not only crippling, but depressing. It’s hard to fight depression on cold bleak days when I am in too much pain to even play with my kids. So this is where I started. I have moderate to severe fibromyalgia. I have to battle pain everyday, fight depression, avoid addiction to pain relievers, take care of my body so medication doesn’t poison me, try to keep the condition from draining my body of nourishment. As I type this, I currently weigh 106 lbs and I am 5’6. Not good. So I promised myself to work hard to put on some weight so I don’t disappear.
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